Nothing much

Well, hello my dearest blog. We meet again. I just don't know where to start with what i'm feeling right now. I just feel that I don't have enough words to say. It's our 26th month today but it just felt like an ordinary day that just passed by in a glimpse of an eye. Its 10 o' clock now and as I lay myself to bed I just can't stop but think if this is what I want for myself. I don't feel special really. Maybe my reasons to complain just piled up. But yeah, its our 26th month and we're on the same bed and he's playing nba (which is his everyday routine btw he gets really mad when i scold him). I'm not really asking for much for this day; not a fancy restaurant date nor an out of town trip will make me happy at this moment but just him hugging and telling me: "i'm lucky to have you" "thank you for having me this long" "i love you so much" simple words that won't take much of his time but will definitely make me smile and make me feel special. But yeah, this is what i've chosen. And i promised to never complain anymore and keep everything to myself. So i have no choice really but to cry and accept this fate. I wish one day everything feels a bit lighter and a bit easier. Really.

Help :(

This is just random. But I don't know where to start. How to start. And what to say. Its been quite sometime since I had him as my partner (a year and two months) but everyday is getting hard on my part. Everyday when I'm with him there's a time when I'm at my highest and get that giddy feeling but before I sleep I know I don't feel happy anymore I feel no love for me and all of this is just a mistake; I'm not contented with the love I'm getting. I feel that I'm not a priority here. I feel like nothing. Everyday I cry myself to sleep asking why have I ever chose him and have I ever thought of it. At the back of my mind I know that it took me quite sometime to really consider the deeper understanding between the both of us. But I may have considered the wrong choice. It still bothers me how in the world can he sleep knowing that I'm just at the other side of the bed hurt and crying. I'm tired and this life is full of crap, bullshits and dilemmas. Lord, give me a break!! I'm tired of this relationship and I'm tired of crying as well. You know my requests an complains why can't you help me to make him realize without me saying? How can everything change? I'm starting to lose grip. Help, I need help. :(

Bored at the office.....

Why do people feed on other’s agenda and don’t mind their own businesses as if they benefit from it? Why are there really hard people to handle? People are getting worse nowadays. Not even thinking that they have their own lives to nurture and develop. Oh, why do I even ask these things when the obvious answer is that these people have nowhere to go and don’t have the chance to rise above the ranks without a dirty fight. Just wish that God bless this people more; they have nothing to wait for but miracles.

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I'm transferring to a new blog. adoseofexcuberanceandmishaps.blogspot.com :) however, i'll be updating it after the board exams. :) follow me there too. THANKS.

JUST FOCUS ROSSELLE.

I've been procrastinating for a week now. There are only 62 days left before the board exams but here I am not studying. Last week I had all the effort in studying algebra and trigonometry but now when my favorite sub-topic of math was on lecture (geometry) I started to lose focus and I do not know why. Its as if something's not right all along. I feel that something's missing. Its as if I'm longing for something. 


Just to cure my anxiety I did everything I wanted to do. I shopped. I dyed my hair and I went to the spa. (so now I'm officially broke) but sadly I didn't find a definite answer to what I've been wanting and searching. Yes the salon and spa somehow made me happy but at the end of the day when I hit my bed and curl up to sleep I still feel empty.


Last night I went to Wensha Spa Delta alone and there I realized alot of things. Sauna, Jacuzzi and a massage alone sucks I know. And I admit since I was alone seeing happy couples leaved me with this awe and envy in my heart. But I had serious "ME" time; time to think of what I want and need. While at the sauna, when sweat was pouring thoroughly I thought of the people who touched my life and left me hanging. I hate it when people start sweet stuff and show me I'm an important part of their lives when they don't actually mean it. I hate inconsistencies and somehow I hate myself for letting them in. Because for a moment they made me happy and the thought of keeping them was good but eventually it will all end up f*cked up. I just wish people would be honest and say "Hey I'm coming into your life but I have no intentons of staying long."


I'm not good at being alone. But I choose to be alone and set up walls to those whom I think are temporary. I admire those people who break the barriers I put up when I isolate myself to the world. Well the thought of isolation is not something I like but I just don't want to get hurt. I've learned. And doing this is just a test to see who has good intentions. As my favorite quote on my favorite tv series "One Tree Hill" goes: "Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down" But sadly, people whom I meet give up on me easily. I just want someone who'll never give up on me despite my impulsiveness, wittiness and short-comings. I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.


I pray that everything be better for the upcoming weeks. But for the meantime, just focus ROSSELLE. JUST FOCUS.

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Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

CLINIQUE GIVEAWAYS ":)

want to win clinique giveaways? read:http://dashashash.wordpress.com/2010/11/02/taking-the-day-off/