CLINIQUE GIVEAWAYS ":)

want to win clinique giveaways? read:http://dashashash.wordpress.com/2010/11/02/taking-the-day-off/

L.A.E. - please be kind to me :| please?

applications start on august. yet i still can't find answers if i'd pursue law or not. medyo mabigat pa naman ang 1,300 na exam fee sa bulsa. i'm confused. i'm in between doing something for myself, my future and doing something for my dad.

i'm not in favor of the idea of leaving the PI early 2012. just thinking about it leaves me with an ache in my heart. new environment, new people; adjustments will again be necessary. but i can't deny the fact that i long to be with my dad. after 9 years of being far away i'd really want to thank him by being with him for the upcoming years.

but doing something for myself must also be considered. its been a long time dream and someday i'd really want to serve the public with my knowledge and capabilities.

so please, help me find answers to make the right decision right now. something i won't regret. something i'd be forever happy about. please pray for me.:(

VCF :)

"Abide in me, and I will abide in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abides in the vine; no more can you, except you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He that abides in me, and I in him, the same brings forth much fruit: for without me you can do nothing" (John 15:4-5).

well, this is going to be my first time to blog about VCF and comparing the person i was before to what i am now i've realized how going to VCF played a role in making the BETTER person i am now; it still changes me continuously and it molds me to become the "somebody" god wants me to be.

i could remember myself cursing god way back when my parents separated late in high school. whenever i pray i don't literally "PRAY" but i converse with god that if he really exists why make me suffer the burden of having a broken family. i could remember one exact line i say every time i go to church: "why not give me the best in life? you're merciful right? then you don't want your sons to get hurt. just like a father loves his daughters..." i was at the wrong path. i was confused and full of hatred. i neglected god. i let satan in my life.

i went to UST to pursue my dreams of becoming an engineer like my dad. i was at my second year when i found "FALSE HAPPINESS" at partying, drinking and dancing saturday night long. i didn't go to church that time since i slept the whole Sunday. but when i come to think if i was really happy upon this activity of mine i found the gut feeling killing me that the only happiness this brought me was the temporary feeling of being in a crowd that wants to be with you and the noise of music at the background. no silence, the ambiance perfect for you not to feel sadness at all.

i was then invited to VCF ubelt by a friend. and i started to change. because right now i don't go to parties anymore. i don't smoke anymore and i'm saying goodbye to bad habits one by one. i started reading the bible and started embracing god with happiness.  i can't explain why. VCF made me realize my worth; what i am in the eyes of god and the people around me. i know i'm not perfect, i'll never be. but with god's guidance i can be the best of who i am and can make most of what i am right now. CHEERS :)

I FEEL BETTER :)

MUCH BETTER I GUESS :)



I CAN NOW SMILE LIKE THE WAY I DID BEFORE :)

"if you're always looking for reasons not to be with somebody and you always find them i guess at some point you should let go and give your heart what it deserves :)"

--> i'm giving it what it deserves. and the next time it deserves to be with the BEST :)

Life's a prison when you're in love alone :|

i have seen a lot of people (my friends specially) suffer the adverse, detrimental and gloomy effects of love. some lose their way, some easily recover, some hold on, some move on, some turn back, some leave, some stay, some get bitter, some fall out of love, some fall deeper in love, some do crazy things, etc etc. why is it the BEST and WORST feeling summed up as one? i'm not against love because i myself share the same feelings of each and every individual on earth; we long for love, we seek for attention and we all hope that fate will be kind enough to give each and everyone of us their own soulmate. but we all can't deny we seek love for happiness, for the sense of completeness and of course for someone to run to when everything doesn't feel right.

i'm happy for couples which manage to still love each other at the end of the day despite the fights, the nagging, the quarrels and the pain they give to each other. i was once with someone like that, we managed to get along for three years. but LOVE has FAILED me. it FAILED me in keeping my partner faithful to me. in keeping my partner mine. i'm selfish, yes i know. but its better this way, once i LOVE a guy, i want him WHOLE and not even a portion of him shared with another. so the next time i engage into a relationship i will do EVERYTHING for him not to cheat on me, for him not to fall out of love, for him to be mature, for him WANT me not because he NEEDS me but because he found something special. (teary-eyed while typing this part)

i still have pain not because i still love my ex in fact, i don't love him anymore; i just remember how he made me feel, how he made me lose trust on guys and make me conclude that all guys are heart-breakers. BITTER? yes i know. it just hurts thinking that i wasted my time and effort to a person who neglected me. its never fair. everything is. but i'm happy to say now that i MOVED ON.

yes, i moved on. how can i say? hmm. i'm happier than the usual. and of course its because of someone; that everytime i see him my heart palpitates like i'm running a 10 KM run and everytime i'm with my friends i can't stop mentioning his name. sabi nga ni mark: "IN LOVE ka na sa brad mo." siguro nga, i'm IN LOVE with him. ironies of all ironies right? even love has failed me before i still fell for a wrong person. i know its stupid. i'm STUPID. why is he wrong? since i've fallen for a person who only sees me as a friend. with a person who showed sweetness just because he's my friend. sucks really. it just hurts everytime he says we're friends, everytime he points his crush and everytime he looks at me. it just gives me that aching feeling knowing friends is all that we'll ever be. it's painful to fall in love with someone who has someone else especially if you tried everything to ignore the feeling. but its worser falling for someone else that made you feel as if you're someone special; then, you're only "SPECIAL" but never would be loved. its hard when you're inlove alone. :(

so now since i know its just friendship between us, i just wish that god will give me a guy who will be my forever partner. since i have been good to my friends by being ms.matchmaker and introducing them their partners (edward-bogik, lara-mark, shotie-ela, jameson-mj) so please god, give me one too? give me the best suitable guy for me please? i just want to be inspired again like i was before :)

words without actions are nothing. actions without words are confusing. :|

i've been happy lately that i've forgot that i got my heart broken 3 months ago. perhaps because of the too many blessings i have received lately. "god is close to the broken-hearted and to those who have less in spirit." now, i strongly believe in this quote because as i have thought that i won't be capable of coping up and moving on this easy; god shaked me and made me realize that what i prayed for is not the BEST for me and he will give me the BEST in his own time. thankyou GOD. i may have not realize it back then but thankyou; it already sinked in my system. i have forgot what he said, what he did but i will not forget what he made me feel. after the painful memories he caused me. today, i can finally say everything is finally GONE.


gone? some of you won't believe it but yes i could feel that way. it's maybe because i have someone else. someone else who made me feel so much better. someone, who has always been an exemption despite my accusation that all guys are jerks and heart-breakers. someone who surprises me and a whole lot of everything else a girl would want. i don't want to take risks when it comes to you; i don't think this is a gambling game i could play, wherein i can withdraw bets.


i've been wanting to tell you to stay away because i'm scared that in the end i'm the only one that's inlove and i would not want to sacrifice n friendship we have. since i don't know if your actions mean something to you or maybe "ganun ka lang talaga sa lahat ng babae." and gaya nga ng sinabi mo sa iba "FRIENDS LANG talaga KAMI." sheesh. friends lang pala. :( despite that i still want to be next to you. i still want you to pull my hand and wrap it around you in the couch, mingle and be sweet to you. but please please. stay away if this really means nothing to you. please consider the fact that i'm fragile and i might break.

"words without actions are nothing. actions without words are confusing. :|"

yes, i'm CONFUSED.

i know you would read this someday. scares me that i wouldn't like your reaction. i just wish someday i could find the courage to tell you all of this.

kilig :)

"brad, di kita iiwan hanggang kaya ko. promise!"

awww. sweetest line ever said to me by a guy :)

as i said (in one of my previous blogs)

i want to keep you forever. You are one of the many people I don’t want to lose.

and as long as i am able too. i'll never leave you! :D

i just wish you knew :|