Life's a prison when you're in love alone :|

i have seen a lot of people (my friends specially) suffer the adverse, detrimental and gloomy effects of love. some lose their way, some easily recover, some hold on, some move on, some turn back, some leave, some stay, some get bitter, some fall out of love, some fall deeper in love, some do crazy things, etc etc. why is it the BEST and WORST feeling summed up as one? i'm not against love because i myself share the same feelings of each and every individual on earth; we long for love, we seek for attention and we all hope that fate will be kind enough to give each and everyone of us their own soulmate. but we all can't deny we seek love for happiness, for the sense of completeness and of course for someone to run to when everything doesn't feel right.

i'm happy for couples which manage to still love each other at the end of the day despite the fights, the nagging, the quarrels and the pain they give to each other. i was once with someone like that, we managed to get along for three years. but LOVE has FAILED me. it FAILED me in keeping my partner faithful to me. in keeping my partner mine. i'm selfish, yes i know. but its better this way, once i LOVE a guy, i want him WHOLE and not even a portion of him shared with another. so the next time i engage into a relationship i will do EVERYTHING for him not to cheat on me, for him not to fall out of love, for him to be mature, for him WANT me not because he NEEDS me but because he found something special. (teary-eyed while typing this part)

i still have pain not because i still love my ex in fact, i don't love him anymore; i just remember how he made me feel, how he made me lose trust on guys and make me conclude that all guys are heart-breakers. BITTER? yes i know. it just hurts thinking that i wasted my time and effort to a person who neglected me. its never fair. everything is. but i'm happy to say now that i MOVED ON.

yes, i moved on. how can i say? hmm. i'm happier than the usual. and of course its because of someone; that everytime i see him my heart palpitates like i'm running a 10 KM run and everytime i'm with my friends i can't stop mentioning his name. sabi nga ni mark: "IN LOVE ka na sa brad mo." siguro nga, i'm IN LOVE with him. ironies of all ironies right? even love has failed me before i still fell for a wrong person. i know its stupid. i'm STUPID. why is he wrong? since i've fallen for a person who only sees me as a friend. with a person who showed sweetness just because he's my friend. sucks really. it just hurts everytime he says we're friends, everytime he points his crush and everytime he looks at me. it just gives me that aching feeling knowing friends is all that we'll ever be. it's painful to fall in love with someone who has someone else especially if you tried everything to ignore the feeling. but its worser falling for someone else that made you feel as if you're someone special; then, you're only "SPECIAL" but never would be loved. its hard when you're inlove alone. :(

so now since i know its just friendship between us, i just wish that god will give me a guy who will be my forever partner. since i have been good to my friends by being ms.matchmaker and introducing them their partners (edward-bogik, lara-mark, shotie-ela, jameson-mj) so please god, give me one too? give me the best suitable guy for me please? i just want to be inspired again like i was before :)

words without actions are nothing. actions without words are confusing. :|

i've been happy lately that i've forgot that i got my heart broken 3 months ago. perhaps because of the too many blessings i have received lately. "god is close to the broken-hearted and to those who have less in spirit." now, i strongly believe in this quote because as i have thought that i won't be capable of coping up and moving on this easy; god shaked me and made me realize that what i prayed for is not the BEST for me and he will give me the BEST in his own time. thankyou GOD. i may have not realize it back then but thankyou; it already sinked in my system. i have forgot what he said, what he did but i will not forget what he made me feel. after the painful memories he caused me. today, i can finally say everything is finally GONE.


gone? some of you won't believe it but yes i could feel that way. it's maybe because i have someone else. someone else who made me feel so much better. someone, who has always been an exemption despite my accusation that all guys are jerks and heart-breakers. someone who surprises me and a whole lot of everything else a girl would want. i don't want to take risks when it comes to you; i don't think this is a gambling game i could play, wherein i can withdraw bets.


i've been wanting to tell you to stay away because i'm scared that in the end i'm the only one that's inlove and i would not want to sacrifice n friendship we have. since i don't know if your actions mean something to you or maybe "ganun ka lang talaga sa lahat ng babae." and gaya nga ng sinabi mo sa iba "FRIENDS LANG talaga KAMI." sheesh. friends lang pala. :( despite that i still want to be next to you. i still want you to pull my hand and wrap it around you in the couch, mingle and be sweet to you. but please please. stay away if this really means nothing to you. please consider the fact that i'm fragile and i might break.

"words without actions are nothing. actions without words are confusing. :|"

yes, i'm CONFUSED.

i know you would read this someday. scares me that i wouldn't like your reaction. i just wish someday i could find the courage to tell you all of this.

kilig :)

"brad, di kita iiwan hanggang kaya ko. promise!"

awww. sweetest line ever said to me by a guy :)

as i said (in one of my previous blogs)

i want to keep you forever. You are one of the many people I don’t want to lose.

and as long as i am able too. i'll never leave you! :D

i just wish you knew :|

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