JUST FOCUS ROSSELLE.

I've been procrastinating for a week now. There are only 62 days left before the board exams but here I am not studying. Last week I had all the effort in studying algebra and trigonometry but now when my favorite sub-topic of math was on lecture (geometry) I started to lose focus and I do not know why. Its as if something's not right all along. I feel that something's missing. Its as if I'm longing for something. 


Just to cure my anxiety I did everything I wanted to do. I shopped. I dyed my hair and I went to the spa. (so now I'm officially broke) but sadly I didn't find a definite answer to what I've been wanting and searching. Yes the salon and spa somehow made me happy but at the end of the day when I hit my bed and curl up to sleep I still feel empty.


Last night I went to Wensha Spa Delta alone and there I realized alot of things. Sauna, Jacuzzi and a massage alone sucks I know. And I admit since I was alone seeing happy couples leaved me with this awe and envy in my heart. But I had serious "ME" time; time to think of what I want and need. While at the sauna, when sweat was pouring thoroughly I thought of the people who touched my life and left me hanging. I hate it when people start sweet stuff and show me I'm an important part of their lives when they don't actually mean it. I hate inconsistencies and somehow I hate myself for letting them in. Because for a moment they made me happy and the thought of keeping them was good but eventually it will all end up f*cked up. I just wish people would be honest and say "Hey I'm coming into your life but I have no intentons of staying long."


I'm not good at being alone. But I choose to be alone and set up walls to those whom I think are temporary. I admire those people who break the barriers I put up when I isolate myself to the world. Well the thought of isolation is not something I like but I just don't want to get hurt. I've learned. And doing this is just a test to see who has good intentions. As my favorite quote on my favorite tv series "One Tree Hill" goes: "Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down" But sadly, people whom I meet give up on me easily. I just want someone who'll never give up on me despite my impulsiveness, wittiness and short-comings. I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.


I pray that everything be better for the upcoming weeks. But for the meantime, just focus ROSSELLE. JUST FOCUS.